You think its like this but really its like this

My journal is now friends only. If you want to read it please leave a comment.

XOXO

James will be home tomorrow and Dylan will be home tomorrow night. I'm so excited!!!!!!!

dylan comes the 27th. I could of swore he was coming the 30th. Aggh... so that means it was to late to change my work schedule in time, so I'm working when he flys in. Luckily James comes in earlier that day from Seattle and is available to pick him up. In the next few days I hope to move as much little shit into our new place that Jwest will allow. I also have tons of chores I should be doing right now, cleaning blah. God I hate moving.


Things that happened today
*someone got stabed in the park next to my house, I believe it was drug related
*I learned how to do a bunch of pastry chef stuff
*possible new job opening that I really really really want might be opening. Slim chance.
*Ate Ethiopian food for lunch, second time I've had it really good! The first time I think it was a culture shock, or so different. This time I was with people who knew allot about the food.

I didn't go to work today. Well I went, then I left after 40 minutes. I couldn't do it. I hate everything. I feel like I really dont have anyone to talk to about this that could even slightly understand how I feel. I barely know how I feel. I finally swollowed my pride and got my brother Scott's cell number. We talked and told each other that we loved each other (we haven't talked in over a year). I think were the only ones with our heads on properly. We dont know what to do or who to turn to. I feel weird in this empty house. James keeps calling and he sounds so excited about being in Seattle. I didn't want to make him feel bad about whats going on. An old friend said she would call and she never did. I didn't expect her to, but I know in the back of my head I really wanted her to. I guess we are all changing and moving on. I feel like thats ok but I thought we could do it together.

Dylan comes May 30th
James got a job doing sound for Warped tour and will be gone all summer
My mom comes at the end of dylan's visit July 5th-11th
Hate and love my new job
Making new friends
losing my mind and staying home to figure things out (PMS who knows?)
got some food poisoning and it lasted for three days (I will not be eatting sushi with seafood or baked potatoes ever again)
Started eatting more raw foods and even making stuff at home I lasted three straight days with out regular sugar, coffee, cooked foods or soy based products
Jwest is moving out of our apartment building and were moving into his bigger apartment
losing touch with old friends
got to hang out on a roof top in san francisco while my friend got a burger tattooed on his foot in one of the apartments below. It was amazing and the city is fucking beautiful.
Miss New Orleans
180 pounds, SHIT.

these are alot of pictures from our trip to reno to see alkaline trio. We drove through Donner's Pass (http://www.vw.vccs.edu/vwhansd/HIS121/Donner.html) and went to Circus-Circus for some gambling.( Read more... )

So I got a supervisor job that I really wanted.
I dont really have money for dylans ticket right now, and it sucks, cause I said I could get it this week.

I just had an amazing drum lesson. I kept the beat going over a minute a few times. I'm enjoying it so much that I secretly (to myself) call myself a drummer. Its so awesome. And In two hours I will be (finally!!!) dinning at Millennium Restaurant. I cant wait!!!

So I've been thinking about this job thats been posted at work and finally decided to go ahead and try to interview for it. What the heck. I either get it or I don't. Its weird having to think that I could be a supervisor. But I think I would be good at it. Its for the night shift which isn't as busy as the morning shift. Well, we shall see. I just got back from having dinner with a girl thats friends with Bryan/jwest/james. It was good. I felt awkward as hell, but shes really nice. Sometimes I dont even want to bother. I hate the beginning. I just want to get to the good part, not feeling awkward, feeling like you know the person/comfortable and sharing stories and whatnot. But I'm trying to not be such a loner. Although I like being a loner alot. Thats it.

This week was fucking aweful. Its raining alot. Although yesterday was nice and the bulk of today. James is out of town and I've been doing tons of girly things to cheer myself up. Monday I went to Haight street with two work friends. I had a really good time. Tuesday was spent at work, then watching "mean girls" with a real live mean girl;) and then yesterday was spent shopping with Marina. Today I thought I had a drum lesson, but I guess not. I spent the day watching movies (pride and predjudice, E.S.O.T.S.M, and Love actually). I dont know why I watch these movies, b/c it just depresses me. Anyway heres some pics enjoy. ( Read more... )

Nothing like a little bit of carissa's wierd on a dark and gloomy day

"everything no one knows
you should be hated here by now
this was the prettiest lie that i told tonight
it's been the prettiest lie that i told all year
the unmade bed inside the room
where i don't feel comfortable at all
where blankets stare at me for hours
and i stare right back so self righteously

(it could be now
and i don't feel proud
i'm so sorry now
i'm sorry now)

and it all comes down to composure that's been lost
when it all comes down to composure that's been lost"

I have been not eatting vegan or vegetarian (shrimp) for a few weeks. I cant explain why but now I remember why I went vegan. I feel so icky. But the dinner was good and James cooked the whole thing as a surprise! ( Read more... )